This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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