Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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