I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
