Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
