i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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