Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
