My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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