3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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