I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize