Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize