We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
