bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
