You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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