sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
