I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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