He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
