so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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