remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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