This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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