that's an acceptable place to lick
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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