WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
