I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
