Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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