Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
