Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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