do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
