I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
