I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
