At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
