Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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