Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
