life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
