Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
