This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
