I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize