Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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