He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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