So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
