Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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