i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
