Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
