I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
