Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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