I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
