i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
