Apparently you make a good broom.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
