I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
