if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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