I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
