you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
