Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
