In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
