When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
