Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm passing your future prison.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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