How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
is that a dick in a sweater?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
