you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
