i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
