I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have fence marks all over my body
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize