well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
