Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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