What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
