just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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