I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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