I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
