the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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